Whatever you're singing, we have got you covered

"GET it off, right NOW, my ears can't take it anymore," cries Music Snob.

"Me neither, I've just been a little bit sick in my mouth," chips in Smug Boy.

Bad imagery aside, it's hard to deny that Celine Dion's cover of AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long is anything less than diabolical. In fact, it's a downright offence against music.

To fill you in, we're in Smug Boy's flat, trawling the internet in search of the worst cover versions.

The reason? That's simple. Sea Lion, I mean Celine, has just been given the dubious honour of the world's worst cover in a Total Guitar magazine survey, so, naturally, we want to put in our twopenceworth.

The panel of music industry experts also judged the best cover versions, with Jimi Hendrix's performance of the Bob Dylan song All Along the Watchtower top of the list.

"Hard to argue with that – great song," I say.

"Don't kid yourself," Music Snob retorts. "Nobody should be allowed to cover The Zimmerman."

"Yes, and why is that?" Smug Boy wonders. "He's a great songwriter but he's not going to win any awards for his voice."

"Uh-huh. Yes. Whatever," snaps Music Snob.

A Sugababes/Girls Aloud version of Walk This Way – a huge hit for Aerosmith and Run DMC – came second in the list of worst covers. We all agree that one was truly awful.

One position below, in third, was Westlife's 1999 version of the ballad More Than Words by rock band Extreme. Another shocker, nobody in the room jumps to its defence.

"Personally, I reckon Tatu's cover of How Soon Is Now is better than the Smiths' original," Smug Boy announces out of nowhere.

Evidently, Music Snob doesn't agree. "Are you tone deaf as well as stupid?" he asks. "Get a grip on yourself."

I've held my tongue until now, but when I say Nirvana's cover of The Man Who Sold the World by David Bowie is as good as the original, Music Snob just stares at me.

"So what's your worst cover?" Smug Boy asks Music Snob.

"William Shatner doing Mr Tambourine Man," comes the reply. "Oh, and Madonna's version of American Pie was awful – it wound me up so much I would have to switch the radio off and sing the original to myself just to calm myself down."

"And your best?"

"Covers are mince as a rule," he snorts. "Nobody wants to hear them."

"Oh, right, so didn't Amy Winehouse's version of Valerie like, totally outsell The Zutons' original then?," shoots back Smug Boy.

"Mark Ronson should be lynched," says Music Snob, changing the subject slightly. "His version of Radiohead's Just was just shocking – especially with that horn section instead of Colin Greenwood's guitar."

Everyone nods.

"Actually, let's check out Prince's cover of Radiohead's Creep on YouTube," insists Music Snob.

"We can't, he's blocked it," I reply.

"How can he block it?" ponders Smug Boy. "It's not even his song.

"Surely Radiohead should be the ones blocking it," he adds.

"Listen, Prince can cover who the hell he wants," says Music Snob, contradicting himself.

We all agree.